wat bout pragnant strippers??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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