I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
