he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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