Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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