I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
