i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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