Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
