We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Boobs speak an international language.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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