Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you traded sex for a burrito?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
