I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
