totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
