Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
