Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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