I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
