thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
