we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
