Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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