i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
