I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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