I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
