i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
