Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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