she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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