lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
