I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
