I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
