this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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