...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
