he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
