I'm going to jail i love you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this just has baby written all over it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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