And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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