I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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