If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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