The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
