tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I cockslap morals
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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