i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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