Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
