And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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