I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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