I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
