Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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