Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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