My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
