you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
