Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
