3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
