I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
