ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
