sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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