break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my being single is dangerous.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
