she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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