my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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