I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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