Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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