Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
